Indians with Sex in Their Minds and Fear in Their Hearts
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V.R. Ajith Kumar
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Writer Nirad C. Choudhury once remarked that the average Indian man lives with sex in his mind and fear in his heart. November 23 is his birthday, and as we revisit this ever-relevant statement from the standpoint of the 21st century, it becomes evident that Indian society has not changed much. Although his observation drew widespread criticism at the time, it remains an honest and penetrating assessment. In fact, it applies not just to men but also to women, for Indian society’s contradictions around sexuality affect everyone.
India’s social fabric
has long been woven with a peculiar mix of public morality and private
repression. Most Indians enthusiastically preach morality in public while
concealing their real feelings in private. Centuries of social conservatism,
caste codes, and moral restrictions have created a culture in which the
discussion of sex is taboo and mature engagement with sexuality is rare. As a
result, it becomes a subject of secret fantasies, hidden pleasures, obsessions,
and unhealthy thoughts. The gulf between outward moral rigidity and inward
sexual impulses denies people healthy avenues for emotional and sexual
expression. Instead of nurturing confident individuals, this culture produces
people trapped between desire and guilt. In such an atmosphere, fear becomes
deeply embedded in one’s personality.
For centuries, rigid
hierarchies—kings, landlords, castes, colonial rulers, and later the
bureaucratic machinery—taught the average Indian to obey, conform, compromise,
and surrender. This produced a habit of psychological submission that continues
even after independence. In a society where popularity, respectability, and
social acceptance hold enormous value, individuals grow up with a constant
sense of fear. Before making any decision, they wonder what others will say,
how society will judge them, and whether a mistake will bring shame upon
themselves or their families.
The truth is that even
those who display outward courage often harbor deep economic, social, and
psychological insecurities. The average Indian’s attitudes reflect excessive
respect for authority, aggression toward the weak, reluctance to challenge
injustice, and hesitation to take risks. Fear, therefore, becomes a more
dominant emotion than courage.
Ancient India openly
celebrated sexuality—as seen in the Kama Sutra. But medieval and
colonial India buried it under layers of silence. While our legends glorified
bravery, everyday life taught obedience and caution. Fear, therefore, evolved
into a collective consciousness that overshadowed desire. The mind became captive
to fantasies and impulses, and the heart was conditioned to retreat, obey, and
endure. This is why the average Indian often avoids confronting wrongs or
questioning authority. Privately, he indulges in what society condemns;
publicly, he displays moral and religious strictness. The result is a state of
confusion, guilt, and anxiety—a society incapable of discussing sexuality with
honesty.
The combination of
repressed desires and unspoken fears often manifests as aggression against the
weak, who become convenient victims. Choudhury’s argument that this
psychological state has prevented India from developing a society rooted in
self-confidence, emotional maturity, and intellectual honesty is, therefore,
sadly persuasive.
Choudhury believed
that societies progress not by clinging to cultural pride or moral claims but
by confronting their weaknesses with courage. His famous statement should thus
be read not as an insult but as a diagnosis. It was meant to encourage Indians
to rise above historical fear and psychological oppression. Whether society has
been able to receive it in that spirit remains doubtful. What is clear,
however, is that a society can move toward true self-confidence and modernity
only when it courageously addresses its repressed desires and its deeply
internalized fears.
